You're a Big Girl, Hold ItThursday, April 29, 2004
I'll be Home for Christmas
Well, I'm off.
I have my cross-country tour starting tomorrow. (California and New York in the same week -- lucky or near psychotic?)
I'm canceling my Internet shortly after I return, and haven't yet set up anything yet in New York.
So I'll be seeing you. Eventually.
Well, I'm off.
I have my cross-country tour starting tomorrow. (California and New York in the same week -- lucky or near psychotic?)
I'm canceling my Internet shortly after I return, and haven't yet set up anything yet in New York.
So I'll be seeing you. Eventually.
Assimilating
I walked into work this morning, thinking: The first thing I need to do when I get to New York is buy shoes.
You have to understand. I shave with men's shaving cream. I don't even own a blow dryer, let alone use one. And (I cringe as I say this) I've used the bathroom on the Staten Island Ferry.
I am about as unprissy as they come.
And I will adjust to my new life just fine.
I walked into work this morning, thinking: The first thing I need to do when I get to New York is buy shoes.
You have to understand. I shave with men's shaving cream. I don't even own a blow dryer, let alone use one. And (I cringe as I say this) I've used the bathroom on the Staten Island Ferry.
I am about as unprissy as they come.
And I will adjust to my new life just fine.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
OK, Who Squealed?
The real world is a funny thing. What you thought was going to suck (namely waking up early and living oh-so-far from your sorority sisters) really isn't that bad. And what you were sort of looking forward to (a paycheck, clean toilets, balanced meals) is a real kick in the pants.
Suddenly people treat you differently. Your parents air their marital problems. Human Resources wants to discuss 401K contributions. Your sister starts calling you "mom-and-dad-old." Your landlord threatens to sue you.
And you're like, Can't you all please just leave me alone because last year I was passed out drunk on the college quad, and the year before that I was grinding my ass into some fraternity guy's crotch, and before that my biggest worry was passing financial accounting?!
WHO TOLD YOU I WAS AN ADULT?!
And these people, they're all quiet for a minute because you've just had a nervous breakdown.
Until someone says, "If you'll just be mature about this --"
And you take a deep breath. Close your eyes and shake your head. Not in rebellion. Defeat.
The real world is a funny thing. What you thought was going to suck (namely waking up early and living oh-so-far from your sorority sisters) really isn't that bad. And what you were sort of looking forward to (a paycheck, clean toilets, balanced meals) is a real kick in the pants.
Suddenly people treat you differently. Your parents air their marital problems. Human Resources wants to discuss 401K contributions. Your sister starts calling you "mom-and-dad-old." Your landlord threatens to sue you.
And you're like, Can't you all please just leave me alone because last year I was passed out drunk on the college quad, and the year before that I was grinding my ass into some fraternity guy's crotch, and before that my biggest worry was passing financial accounting?!
WHO TOLD YOU I WAS AN ADULT?!
And these people, they're all quiet for a minute because you've just had a nervous breakdown.
Until someone says, "If you'll just be mature about this --"
And you take a deep breath. Close your eyes and shake your head. Not in rebellion. Defeat.
Eavesdropping
I thought I overheard my coworkers talking about me today. My ears perked up when I caught wind of, "Well, she was here a long time," probably in reference to someone who retired or had a baby. Then, "Michele, what do you think, fanfare or no fanfare?"
(The suggestion: A lunch providing the opportunity for "chit chat" ... something inaudible.)
OK, so they weren't necessarily talking about me. But they could have been. (I've had my hearing set to "high frequency canine" ever since I handed in my resignation letter.)
I thought I overheard my coworkers talking about me today. My ears perked up when I caught wind of, "Well, she was here a long time," probably in reference to someone who retired or had a baby. Then, "Michele, what do you think, fanfare or no fanfare?"
(The suggestion: A lunch providing the opportunity for "chit chat" ... something inaudible.)
OK, so they weren't necessarily talking about me. But they could have been. (I've had my hearing set to "high frequency canine" ever since I handed in my resignation letter.)
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
More Packing
Monday, April 26, 2004
It Just Occurred To Me
I'm leaving for California this week. This week.
As everyone knows, I could really use a vacation. And I'll settle for a very hectic business trip. As long as it's someplace semi-exotic. California will do.
I'm leaving for California this week. This week.
As everyone knows, I could really use a vacation. And I'll settle for a very hectic business trip. As long as it's someplace semi-exotic. California will do.
Psychologically Speaking
Male Friend: were you always this melodramatic, and I was just drunk?
Auto response from Hold-It: more of this terribly fun sport affectionately known as packing
Hold-It: it's the craziest thing
Hold-It: like, I'm really excited about moving
Hold-It: but whenever I try to pack anything, I get depressed as hell
Hold-It: it's so ... pavlovian
Male Friend: it's odd
Hold-It: I must have had terrible experiences with moving in the past
Male Friend: were you always this melodramatic, and I was just drunk?
Auto response from Hold-It: more of this terribly fun sport affectionately known as packing
Hold-It: it's the craziest thing
Hold-It: like, I'm really excited about moving
Hold-It: but whenever I try to pack anything, I get depressed as hell
Hold-It: it's so ... pavlovian
Male Friend: it's odd
Hold-It: I must have had terrible experiences with moving in the past
Are we there yet?
This morning I woke up sad and scared and questioning whether I made the right decision. Sure, I wasn't as happy as can be here ... but maybe I exaggerated the trauma just a bit.
I got dressed out the cardboard boxes that have taken over my living room, and it didn't feel like my place anymore. I didn't think I'd be sad. I really thought I'd be excited. But a little voice says I let everyone down -- my supervisor at work, my landlord, even the Indian guy at Dunkin Donuts who sometimes throws in a free donut with my coffee.
"Are you excited about the move?" I ask the boyfriend, searching for some sort of confirmation. A leg-up from the other side of the Lincoln Tunnel. To the tune of I-missed-you-so-much-and-do-you-realize-how-much-fun-we're-going-to-have-once-you-get-your-sexy-ass-over-here.
"I'm scared," he says.
"You're scared? What do you have to be scared about?"
He's scared I'm moving to New York to marry him. Like I can even think about marriage at a time like this. It's so ridiculous, I laugh, a little hysterically. Gid, Gid. At least I know this isn't going to change you at all.
So I wipe my eyes. I imagine Friday afternoon Happy Hours with friends from college. Free writing workshops at Barnes & Noble. Giving directions that involve walking "east" or "west." Walking for miles without getting tired. Job satisfaction. Bragging rights.
I know I'll acclimate well. So, is it time to go yet?
This morning I woke up sad and scared and questioning whether I made the right decision. Sure, I wasn't as happy as can be here ... but maybe I exaggerated the trauma just a bit.
I got dressed out the cardboard boxes that have taken over my living room, and it didn't feel like my place anymore. I didn't think I'd be sad. I really thought I'd be excited. But a little voice says I let everyone down -- my supervisor at work, my landlord, even the Indian guy at Dunkin Donuts who sometimes throws in a free donut with my coffee.
"Are you excited about the move?" I ask the boyfriend, searching for some sort of confirmation. A leg-up from the other side of the Lincoln Tunnel. To the tune of I-missed-you-so-much-and-do-you-realize-how-much-fun-we're-going-to-have-once-you-get-your-sexy-ass-over-here.
"I'm scared," he says.
"You're scared? What do you have to be scared about?"
He's scared I'm moving to New York to marry him. Like I can even think about marriage at a time like this. It's so ridiculous, I laugh, a little hysterically. Gid, Gid. At least I know this isn't going to change you at all.
So I wipe my eyes. I imagine Friday afternoon Happy Hours with friends from college. Free writing workshops at Barnes & Noble. Giving directions that involve walking "east" or "west." Walking for miles without getting tired. Job satisfaction. Bragging rights.
I know I'll acclimate well. So, is it time to go yet?
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Life's Souvenirs
The Christmas ornament from that time when I found a lump on my neck and I thought I had cancer and I gave $20 to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital (just in case) and they sent me a thank you gift (along with a steady stream of pictures of bald, dying children desperately in need of my help) ... Keep it or chuck it?
The blue notebook that says "Wills Eye Hospital Glaucoma Service" on the cover that I got at a Philadelphia conference where I stayed at the Hyatt and bonded with my (soon-to-be former) boss about where to shop in New York City ... Take it with me or leave it at my parents' house?
How do I decide what is my life and what is expendable?
I try not to think about it too much, or I get really sad. There's just something about leaving -- even when it's for a good cause and you were miserable the whole time you were there. One of those things, really.
The American Moving and Storage Association ranks moving as on par with major life changes such as divorce or the death of a loved one.
The Christmas ornament from that time when I found a lump on my neck and I thought I had cancer and I gave $20 to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital (just in case) and they sent me a thank you gift (along with a steady stream of pictures of bald, dying children desperately in need of my help) ... Keep it or chuck it?
The blue notebook that says "Wills Eye Hospital Glaucoma Service" on the cover that I got at a Philadelphia conference where I stayed at the Hyatt and bonded with my (soon-to-be former) boss about where to shop in New York City ... Take it with me or leave it at my parents' house?
How do I decide what is my life and what is expendable?
I try not to think about it too much, or I get really sad. There's just something about leaving -- even when it's for a good cause and you were miserable the whole time you were there. One of those things, really.
The American Moving and Storage Association ranks moving as on par with major life changes such as divorce or the death of a loved one.
First of the Packing Photos
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Regressing
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Cold Feet
I shouldn't have expected things to be easy. It would have been too good to be true to think that my landlord had effectively given me a big send-off complete with chocolate cake, balloons and a Mylar banner reading, "Good luck and consider your lease void."
So ... whatever it is, it is. I just have to stop being so uptight about things. Crying when things don't go my way. Reaching for the Yuengling (well, I had to finish it off before I move anyway.) Pleading with my boyfriend to go fight the "bad guys."
Sometimes I wonder if I'm fucking up my whole life. Like, if only I had never applied for my first credit card. If only I had lived with my parents instead of insisting on my own place. If only I had waited until the summer before applying for a new job.
And all the mistakes I'm making now are going to set the tone for my entire adult life.
Me in 15 years: If only I hadn't applied for that Visa card. If only I had paid it off before moving out of my parents' house. If only I hadn't married that rich oil tycoon to help pay it off. If only I hadn't moved with him to Texas. If only I hadn't had his kid. And so on.
In 15 years, I'm going to be 37. By the time I work myself out of this mess, I'm going to be too old to have any fun.
Deep breath.
See what I mean by uptight?
I shouldn't have expected things to be easy. It would have been too good to be true to think that my landlord had effectively given me a big send-off complete with chocolate cake, balloons and a Mylar banner reading, "Good luck and consider your lease void."
So ... whatever it is, it is. I just have to stop being so uptight about things. Crying when things don't go my way. Reaching for the Yuengling (well, I had to finish it off before I move anyway.) Pleading with my boyfriend to go fight the "bad guys."
Sometimes I wonder if I'm fucking up my whole life. Like, if only I had never applied for my first credit card. If only I had lived with my parents instead of insisting on my own place. If only I had waited until the summer before applying for a new job.
And all the mistakes I'm making now are going to set the tone for my entire adult life.
Me in 15 years: If only I hadn't applied for that Visa card. If only I had paid it off before moving out of my parents' house. If only I hadn't married that rich oil tycoon to help pay it off. If only I hadn't moved with him to Texas. If only I hadn't had his kid. And so on.
In 15 years, I'm going to be 37. By the time I work myself out of this mess, I'm going to be too old to have any fun.
Deep breath.
See what I mean by uptight?
Saturday, April 24, 2004
In the Criminal Justice System
I had a dream recently that my ex-boyfriend and his fiance (played by another one of his exes) were found murdered shortly before their wedding. At first, detectives thought the fiance was the culprit, but by the end of the dream, they were beginning to think I did it.
Two articles have illuminated the private obsessions that single, professional women have with Law & Order: women who watch old episodes of the crime drama back to back on cable television, wiling away Saturday nights alone in front of the television.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
I had a dream recently that my ex-boyfriend and his fiance (played by another one of his exes) were found murdered shortly before their wedding. At first, detectives thought the fiance was the culprit, but by the end of the dream, they were beginning to think I did it.
Two articles have illuminated the private obsessions that single, professional women have with Law & Order: women who watch old episodes of the crime drama back to back on cable television, wiling away Saturday nights alone in front of the television.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Those Damn Karma Monsters
The Karma monsters will have their due. Closer inspection of my lease reveals that almost my entire security deposit will go toward "re-renting, cleaning and redecoration costs" associated with leaving my lease before its official expiration date.
My 30 second rant: Tenants have no rights in South Jersey. My current lease is 17 pages ... Compare that to the 2 page lease I signed in New York. And every page of my Jersey lease lists fees for which I could be liable ... $25 for drying clothes out the window, $40 for calling maintenance for non-emergency situations, $35 for getting locked out. I mean, what is --
OK, I'm out of time. That feels a little better.
I guess what it comes down to is this: No amount of money would ever convince me to stay in South Jersey. So good riddance.
The Karma monsters will have their due. Closer inspection of my lease reveals that almost my entire security deposit will go toward "re-renting, cleaning and redecoration costs" associated with leaving my lease before its official expiration date.
My 30 second rant: Tenants have no rights in South Jersey. My current lease is 17 pages ... Compare that to the 2 page lease I signed in New York. And every page of my Jersey lease lists fees for which I could be liable ... $25 for drying clothes out the window, $40 for calling maintenance for non-emergency situations, $35 for getting locked out. I mean, what is --
OK, I'm out of time. That feels a little better.
I guess what it comes down to is this: No amount of money would ever convince me to stay in South Jersey. So good riddance.
Friday, April 23, 2004
Twist of Fate
In a strange role reversal, my mother went to a club tonight with some of her coworkers, a mix of 50 year-old women and college-age girls who work part-time. I made the mistake at dinner of saying, "You're not going to have any fun there. You're too old."
I knew I had insulted her. But I didn't know why. Because I thought it was ridiculous that she was going to a club when her 22-year-old daughter has already outgrown that kind of thing? Because I think my mother should be attending museum benefits and flower shows?
It's like that pregnant woman my friends and I saw at a comedy club once who was drinking. We wanted to go over and shake her and say, Don't you know what the surgeon general says about this kind of thing?
In a strange role reversal, my mother went to a club tonight with some of her coworkers, a mix of 50 year-old women and college-age girls who work part-time. I made the mistake at dinner of saying, "You're not going to have any fun there. You're too old."
I knew I had insulted her. But I didn't know why. Because I thought it was ridiculous that she was going to a club when her 22-year-old daughter has already outgrown that kind of thing? Because I think my mother should be attending museum benefits and flower shows?
It's like that pregnant woman my friends and I saw at a comedy club once who was drinking. We wanted to go over and shake her and say, Don't you know what the surgeon general says about this kind of thing?
On a Roll
Now I'm really scared.
Because now I really am leaving -- no turning back style.
It didn't hit me when I signed a lease, it didn't hit me when I received my offer letter in the mail, it didn't even hit me as I sat (la-di-da) typing up my resignation letter earlier this week.
But now it has. People are suddenly acting different. Tiptoeing around me.
And so -- oh my god -- it's really true. I really just quit my job and I really am moving to New York.
The what-ifs have started to ping pong around my head. Two in particular: what if I don't like my new job/boss/coworkers? And, more importantly, what if they don't like me?
What then?
I guess I worry about then then.
When I moved here, it was easier. If it didn't work out, I hadn't invested anything in it. I lived with my parents for three months. Tested the waters.
But now it's welcome to the real world. The big girl world.
Am I ready for this? As my dad would say: I have to be.
Now I'm really scared.
Because now I really am leaving -- no turning back style.
It didn't hit me when I signed a lease, it didn't hit me when I received my offer letter in the mail, it didn't even hit me as I sat (la-di-da) typing up my resignation letter earlier this week.
But now it has. People are suddenly acting different. Tiptoeing around me.
And so -- oh my god -- it's really true. I really just quit my job and I really am moving to New York.
The what-ifs have started to ping pong around my head. Two in particular: what if I don't like my new job/boss/coworkers? And, more importantly, what if they don't like me?
What then?
I guess I worry about then then.
When I moved here, it was easier. If it didn't work out, I hadn't invested anything in it. I lived with my parents for three months. Tested the waters.
But now it's welcome to the real world. The big girl world.
Am I ready for this? As my dad would say: I have to be.
Breaking Up is Hard to Do
I did it. I don't feel good about it, but I did it.
They took it pretty well. Actually, they took it great.
Be sure to use me as a reference, she said. I know you're going to have a lot of success in your career.
Well, I guess in nine years as an editor, this is not the first time someone's resigned. It comes with the territory. Par for the course.
I still feel like a real jerk.
You're breaking my heart, he said. If you're ever back in this area, I'm sure the door will always be wide open to you.
In some ways, I guess I'm lucky. I'm going from a solid opportunity to (what I hope is) a better one. Two companies fighting over me.
My love life was never this exciting. Maybe that's how I got so ambitious.
I did it. I don't feel good about it, but I did it.
They took it pretty well. Actually, they took it great.
Be sure to use me as a reference, she said. I know you're going to have a lot of success in your career.
Well, I guess in nine years as an editor, this is not the first time someone's resigned. It comes with the territory. Par for the course.
I still feel like a real jerk.
You're breaking my heart, he said. If you're ever back in this area, I'm sure the door will always be wide open to you.
In some ways, I guess I'm lucky. I'm going from a solid opportunity to (what I hope is) a better one. Two companies fighting over me.
My love life was never this exciting. Maybe that's how I got so ambitious.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Socks
Tomorrow is the last of the Friday night dinners with my parents. For the past eight months, I've made it a habit of having dinner with them on Friday nights -- at least when I wasn't in New York visiting the boyfriend.
But when I try to think of things I'm leaving behind in South Jersey, the best I can do is socks. Socks that were eaten by the dryer. Some of my best socks.
Tomorrow is the last of the Friday night dinners with my parents. For the past eight months, I've made it a habit of having dinner with them on Friday nights -- at least when I wasn't in New York visiting the boyfriend.
But when I try to think of things I'm leaving behind in South Jersey, the best I can do is socks. Socks that were eaten by the dryer. Some of my best socks.
Someone Wants to Be Me
Well, no. But someone does want to live in my apartment. A nice old lady passed the credit check and gave in a deposit. My lease is almost broken.
I'm afraid to breathe. I'm afraid the slightest movement will upset the delicate balance that has allowed EVERYTHING TO GO MY WAY.
Shush, you! Don't wake the karma gods.
Well, no. But someone does want to live in my apartment. A nice old lady passed the credit check and gave in a deposit. My lease is almost broken.
I'm afraid to breathe. I'm afraid the slightest movement will upset the delicate balance that has allowed EVERYTHING TO GO MY WAY.
Shush, you! Don't wake the karma gods.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Buggy II
My landlord is showing my apartment tomorrow, so I figured I should throw away the visible roach motels while I was scrubbing the floor. They might otherwise dissuade someone from signing a lease.
I just hope the little critters behave themselves when I'm not here policing them. Come on, guys, this is our big moment!
(No, I don't usually talk to the roaches. Well, at least not beyond the perfunctory, Die, Beast, Die!)
My landlord is showing my apartment tomorrow, so I figured I should throw away the visible roach motels while I was scrubbing the floor. They might otherwise dissuade someone from signing a lease.
I just hope the little critters behave themselves when I'm not here policing them. Come on, guys, this is our big moment!
(No, I don't usually talk to the roaches. Well, at least not beyond the perfunctory, Die, Beast, Die!)
E-mail Buddies
To maximize my productivity, I spent a good deal of the day deleting old e-mails and copying important information I might want to take with me.
What a difference from the last time I did this, when I good chunk of my in- and outboxes contained flirtatious back-and-forths with various male coworkers. Or gossip exchanged with a fellow intern who had become a partner in crime.
Actually, come to think of it, I hope that's what's different about my next job. No, not trying to get into a coworker's pants -- but making a friend or two.
Maybe I failed to do that here because I went in thinking that this relocation was only temporary, and so I shouldn't get too attached to anyone. Or maybe I just didn't find anyone here I really liked, or with whom I really connected.
But, after all, I have to give myself a break. This is South Jersey. And these people chose to live here.
To maximize my productivity, I spent a good deal of the day deleting old e-mails and copying important information I might want to take with me.
What a difference from the last time I did this, when I good chunk of my in- and outboxes contained flirtatious back-and-forths with various male coworkers. Or gossip exchanged with a fellow intern who had become a partner in crime.
Actually, come to think of it, I hope that's what's different about my next job. No, not trying to get into a coworker's pants -- but making a friend or two.
Maybe I failed to do that here because I went in thinking that this relocation was only temporary, and so I shouldn't get too attached to anyone. Or maybe I just didn't find anyone here I really liked, or with whom I really connected.
But, after all, I have to give myself a break. This is South Jersey. And these people chose to live here.
Wow
I just wrote my very first resignation letter. I don't why, but this is one of those times when it hits me that I really am a grown-up.
I just wrote my very first resignation letter. I don't why, but this is one of those times when it hits me that I really am a grown-up.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
On Moving
I have an address. That's how I know this is real.
And now I also have a moving company. That was a harder decision than I thought: nine estimates and a fair amount of research on the website of the Better Business Bureau. I've read a lot of horror stories on epinions.com -- but at least the negative reviews seemed to be equally divided among companies.
Actually, the companies I liked best on the phone were the most expensive -- by $600-700 margins, in some cases. Aren't all moving companies created equal? I suppose I'll find out.
P.S. No, I did not go the cheap route; I went with the company with the most recognizable name.
............. That also happened to be one of the cheaper ones.
I have an address. That's how I know this is real.
And now I also have a moving company. That was a harder decision than I thought: nine estimates and a fair amount of research on the website of the Better Business Bureau. I've read a lot of horror stories on epinions.com -- but at least the negative reviews seemed to be equally divided among companies.
Actually, the companies I liked best on the phone were the most expensive -- by $600-700 margins, in some cases. Aren't all moving companies created equal? I suppose I'll find out.
P.S. No, I did not go the cheap route; I went with the company with the most recognizable name.
............. That also happened to be one of the cheaper ones.
Twiddling My Thumbs
And so the countdown begins. I have 10 days left in the office, plus five days in San Diego on a business trip. Then I head to Brooklyn.
So, of course, my motivation to be productive is slim at best. I sit at my desk and try to look like a good employee. But really I'm researching obscure skin rashes in my medical dictionary.
And Friday I drop the bombshell. I imagine I'm not going to get a party like that former editor did when she quit to join the ranks of stay-at-home mothers. In fact, it's more likely I'd be fired on the spot. As appealing as that sounds right about now (yay -- a vacation!), unemployment is still a scary word.
And so the countdown begins. I have 10 days left in the office, plus five days in San Diego on a business trip. Then I head to Brooklyn.
So, of course, my motivation to be productive is slim at best. I sit at my desk and try to look like a good employee. But really I'm researching obscure skin rashes in my medical dictionary.
And Friday I drop the bombshell. I imagine I'm not going to get a party like that former editor did when she quit to join the ranks of stay-at-home mothers. In fact, it's more likely I'd be fired on the spot. As appealing as that sounds right about now (yay -- a vacation!), unemployment is still a scary word.
Sunday, April 18, 2004
Prophecies and Fatalism
I'm sick. A self-fulfilling prophecy, perhaps? Because now I'm not really lying to my boss tomorrow when I tell her I need to take a sick day from work. (The "real" reason is to sign my new lease.)
Emotion overload. But signing a lease clears one hurdle and leaves just one more: finding someone to rent my current apartment.
My father did give me some advice, though. His words of wisdom: "Because you have to."
Makes sense really. How will I pay the movers? ("Because you have to.") How will I break the news of my new job to my current employer? ("Because you have to.") How will I drag my sick, feverish body into Brooklyn tomorrow for the lease signing? ("Because you have to.")
It's how I know everything will work out. Because it has to. Because I've wanted this for so long and came this far. I have to move forward from here.
You know, when I was in high school, all I wanted to be was a professional writer living in New York. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. It took me a year longer than expected, but it's finally happening.
I'm going home.
I'm sick. A self-fulfilling prophecy, perhaps? Because now I'm not really lying to my boss tomorrow when I tell her I need to take a sick day from work. (The "real" reason is to sign my new lease.)
Emotion overload. But signing a lease clears one hurdle and leaves just one more: finding someone to rent my current apartment.
My father did give me some advice, though. His words of wisdom: "Because you have to."
Makes sense really. How will I pay the movers? ("Because you have to.") How will I break the news of my new job to my current employer? ("Because you have to.") How will I drag my sick, feverish body into Brooklyn tomorrow for the lease signing? ("Because you have to.")
It's how I know everything will work out. Because it has to. Because I've wanted this for so long and came this far. I have to move forward from here.
You know, when I was in high school, all I wanted to be was a professional writer living in New York. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. It took me a year longer than expected, but it's finally happening.
I'm going home.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
House Poor
I put a deposit on an apartment today I can't really afford. It feels good to say that. Very New York.
I put a deposit on an apartment today I can't really afford. It feels good to say that. Very New York.
Friday, April 16, 2004
Into the Wild
An adventure, that's what this is.
Moving my entire life in three weeks -- across state lines with barely enough money in the bank to pay for it all -- shouldn't be something scary. Because what is it really? A couple of dollars in the scheme of my whole life -- a couple of nights without sleep -- a couple of headaches settling my commitments here.
I'm going to New York.
New opportunities, old haunting grounds, new faces, old friends.
That's what I have to keep telling myself. No, the new apartment probably won't be as nice. The neighborhood will probably be more gritty and less precious. My neighbors may occasionally throw parties and play loud music.
Things might go wrong.
An adventure.
My New York adventure began on a Friday ...
An adventure, that's what this is.
Moving my entire life in three weeks -- across state lines with barely enough money in the bank to pay for it all -- shouldn't be something scary. Because what is it really? A couple of dollars in the scheme of my whole life -- a couple of nights without sleep -- a couple of headaches settling my commitments here.
I'm going to New York.
New opportunities, old haunting grounds, new faces, old friends.
That's what I have to keep telling myself. No, the new apartment probably won't be as nice. The neighborhood will probably be more gritty and less precious. My neighbors may occasionally throw parties and play loud music.
Things might go wrong.
An adventure.
My New York adventure began on a Friday ...
New York, New York
Today I've been tap-dancing to Frank Sinatra in the office bathroom. "Start spreading the news ..."
Actually the only news I have to spread is this:
1) If you have an apartment in Brooklyn ...
2) If you are interested in renting (the best ever, absolutely fantastic, this place rocks) apartment in South Jersey ...
3) If you are a healthy, active male between the ages of 18-30 and can carry heavy items and drive a U-Haul (you will be duly compensated) ...
Tap, tap, tap, tap.
"Start spreading ..."
Today I've been tap-dancing to Frank Sinatra in the office bathroom. "Start spreading the news ..."
Actually the only news I have to spread is this:
1) If you have an apartment in Brooklyn ...
2) If you are interested in renting (the best ever, absolutely fantastic, this place rocks) apartment in South Jersey ...
3) If you are a healthy, active male between the ages of 18-30 and can carry heavy items and drive a U-Haul (you will be duly compensated) ...
Tap, tap, tap, tap.
"Start spreading ..."
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Three Weeks
Then I bust this joint.
The answer: yes.
Then I bust this joint.
The answer: yes.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
The Best Thing Your Parents Can Say ...
during your first year after college:
Yes, we agree it's a good opportunity and we will lend you the money to make it happen.
Following my dreams!!!
(Imagine me standing outside in the torrential downpour sweeping the Delaware Valley, hands flung up to Heaven, singing my lungs out. Now pause that image. And stay tuned till tomorrow. Tomorrow's the day.)
during your first year after college:
Yes, we agree it's a good opportunity and we will lend you the money to make it happen.
Following my dreams!!!
(Imagine me standing outside in the torrential downpour sweeping the Delaware Valley, hands flung up to Heaven, singing my lungs out. Now pause that image. And stay tuned till tomorrow. Tomorrow's the day.)
Monday, April 12, 2004
For the Record
That was not melodrama before. I was speaking from the -- oh, forget it.
That was not melodrama before. I was speaking from the -- oh, forget it.
My Artwork
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The boyfriend thinks it looks like paint-by-number. I call it a creative outlet (not unlike this hodgepodge site.)
The boyfriend thinks it looks like paint-by-number. I call it a creative outlet (not unlike this hodgepodge site.)
To My Lovely North Carolina Buddy:
Yes, I've felt this impulsive need to confess things as of late. This is different from when I was walking around, practically standing underneath people's noses, squinting up at them, head craned, thinking: "Are you the person who has my life?" My life, what I was supposed to be accomplishing at the tender age of 22. (Besides earning money -- which I am finally beginning to do, if only with jerky movements and false starts.)
But now I'm trying to make my life happen -- and maybe things will work out now, and maybe they won't -- but I feel like I've got to be prepared, because if I just know that when the time comes (whenever it comes) everything will unfurl very quickly. I need a plan of action, as it were. A strategy.
I have a lot on my mind.
And I never really liked politics. Not really.
Yes, I've felt this impulsive need to confess things as of late. This is different from when I was walking around, practically standing underneath people's noses, squinting up at them, head craned, thinking: "Are you the person who has my life?" My life, what I was supposed to be accomplishing at the tender age of 22. (Besides earning money -- which I am finally beginning to do, if only with jerky movements and false starts.)
But now I'm trying to make my life happen -- and maybe things will work out now, and maybe they won't -- but I feel like I've got to be prepared, because if I just know that when the time comes (whenever it comes) everything will unfurl very quickly. I need a plan of action, as it were. A strategy.
I have a lot on my mind.
And I never really liked politics. Not really.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Apartment Lovin'
I really love my apartment. I don't think I will ever find an apartment I love more than this one.
It's big, it's bright, it's quiet, it's well-maintained, it's safe, it's not costing me an arm, a leg or a first born, it's in a great community, it's within walking distance of public transportation, it has a super named Bill who fixes all my problems within two hours of them happening, it has 24 hour maintenance and a nice lady who answers the phone at all hours of the night, it has a dishwasher even though I've never used it, it has free parking nearby ... did I mention it's quiet? And big?
For kicks, I like to read this site. There're lots of apartment horror stories out there (or at least people with wicked imaginations.)
Yes, I admit it. I need a new hobby.
I really love my apartment. I don't think I will ever find an apartment I love more than this one.
It's big, it's bright, it's quiet, it's well-maintained, it's safe, it's not costing me an arm, a leg or a first born, it's in a great community, it's within walking distance of public transportation, it has a super named Bill who fixes all my problems within two hours of them happening, it has 24 hour maintenance and a nice lady who answers the phone at all hours of the night, it has a dishwasher even though I've never used it, it has free parking nearby ... did I mention it's quiet? And big?
For kicks, I like to read this site. There're lots of apartment horror stories out there (or at least people with wicked imaginations.)
Yes, I admit it. I need a new hobby.
All's Well
It's been more than a month since my kitchen ceiling was destroyed, thanks to a toilet bowl mishap facilitated by the tenants upstairs. Yes, the ceiling has been more or less fixed, but the maintenance men have left me with new toys.
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It's been more than a month since my kitchen ceiling was destroyed, thanks to a toilet bowl mishap facilitated by the tenants upstairs. Yes, the ceiling has been more or less fixed, but the maintenance men have left me with new toys.
Easter in South Jersey
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I Dreamed a Dream
All night long I dreamt about apartments in Queens I couldn't afford. New York has never seemed this close -- or so far.
I'm supposed to find things out this week.
The weathermen say it'll start raining this afternoon and won't stop till Thursday.
All night long I dreamt about apartments in Queens I couldn't afford. New York has never seemed this close -- or so far.
I'm supposed to find things out this week.
The weathermen say it'll start raining this afternoon and won't stop till Thursday.
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Around Town
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Mosaics
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Friday, April 09, 2004
This must be the boyfriend's influence:
You are the "I hate you so bad" happy
bunny. You hate everyone and eveything and you're
not ashamed of it.
which happy bunny are you?
You are the "I hate you so bad" happy
bunny. You hate everyone and eveything and you're
not ashamed of it.
which happy bunny are you?
Faux Pas
I got a phone call today from an editor with the same (uncommon) name as the boyfriend. He called to follow up on an interview I went on a few weeks ago. Seeing "Hebrew" as a skill on my resume, he then asked if I would be interested in conducting our conversation in that language. Well, I've taken Hebrew classes for 15 years and still can't speak a word of it. I had to explain my little white lie.
Whoops.
I don't know if this will have any bearings on my prospects (I don't make a habit of exaggerating, I promise!) Let's hope not.
I got a phone call today from an editor with the same (uncommon) name as the boyfriend. He called to follow up on an interview I went on a few weeks ago. Seeing "Hebrew" as a skill on my resume, he then asked if I would be interested in conducting our conversation in that language. Well, I've taken Hebrew classes for 15 years and still can't speak a word of it. I had to explain my little white lie.
Whoops.
I don't know if this will have any bearings on my prospects (I don't make a habit of exaggerating, I promise!) Let's hope not.
The Seder
One word: chaotic.
Late relatives, screaming infants, organized praying, kosher-for-Passover chocolate cake.
The boyfriend conversed with the father and uncle. That was an upside.
Oh, and I made money. So now I don't have to wear my leather jacket with the two missing buttons anymore.
One word: chaotic.
Late relatives, screaming infants, organized praying, kosher-for-Passover chocolate cake.
The boyfriend conversed with the father and uncle. That was an upside.
Oh, and I made money. So now I don't have to wear my leather jacket with the two missing buttons anymore.
Monday, April 05, 2004
Happy Passover
The second Seder will bring together the following people tomorrow night:
Let's go around the table, shall we?
Father (sings too loud, can't remember how to pronounce most of the Hebrew words, says, "No one leaves my Seder embarrassed," orchestrates the whole affair, and does a damn good job)
Yours Truly (has worse Hebrew than Father)
The Boyfriend (first Seder with my family ... and he doesn't like gefilte fish)
Grandpa (leaves excessive amount of crumbs under the table)
Grandpa's young Hispanic wife (a late addition -- should be interesting)
Aunt and Uncle from Scaaahsdale
Five cousins (the youngest are 8 month old twins!)
Aunt and Uncle from Long Island
Sister #2 (laughs at Father's and Your Truly's poor attempts at Hebrew)
Sister #1 (orthodox, does the cooking)
Mother (we make her read the part about the "asses" ... it's such an old joke, no one laughs anymore)
The second Seder will bring together the following people tomorrow night:
Let's go around the table, shall we?
Father (sings too loud, can't remember how to pronounce most of the Hebrew words, says, "No one leaves my Seder embarrassed," orchestrates the whole affair, and does a damn good job)
Yours Truly (has worse Hebrew than Father)
The Boyfriend (first Seder with my family ... and he doesn't like gefilte fish)
Grandpa (leaves excessive amount of crumbs under the table)
Grandpa's young Hispanic wife (a late addition -- should be interesting)
Aunt and Uncle from Scaaahsdale
Five cousins (the youngest are 8 month old twins!)
Aunt and Uncle from Long Island
Sister #2 (laughs at Father's and Your Truly's poor attempts at Hebrew)
Sister #1 (orthodox, does the cooking)
Mother (we make her read the part about the "asses" ... it's such an old joke, no one laughs anymore)
Sunday, April 04, 2004
My Boyfriend Could Beat Up Your Boyfriend
I spoke to a friend in Israel today who likes to beat people up. I mentioned that the boyfriend has similar interests. Before I knew it, we were placing bets on which of my former high school boyfriends the current boyfriend could take.
I'm dating a stud.
I spoke to a friend in Israel today who likes to beat people up. I mentioned that the boyfriend has similar interests. Before I knew it, we were placing bets on which of my former high school boyfriends the current boyfriend could take.
I'm dating a stud.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Near Death Experience
I woke up early (very early, about 5 a.m.) Friday morning and my entire apartment reeked of gas. So, of course, my first thought was: "I wonder if this could wait a couple of hours?" Then, "You idiot! Go back to bed now and you might not wake up tomorrow!"
Turns out my oven was slowly leaking gas throughout the apartment. Forty-five minutes later, a wonderful man from PSE&G had identified and fixed the problem.
I lived to tell about it. But not until I had my eight hours of uninterrupted sleep last night.
I woke up early (very early, about 5 a.m.) Friday morning and my entire apartment reeked of gas. So, of course, my first thought was: "I wonder if this could wait a couple of hours?" Then, "You idiot! Go back to bed now and you might not wake up tomorrow!"
Turns out my oven was slowly leaking gas throughout the apartment. Forty-five minutes later, a wonderful man from PSE&G had identified and fixed the problem.
I lived to tell about it. But not until I had my eight hours of uninterrupted sleep last night.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Buggy
A flying ant infestation at work. Lovely.
A flying ant infestation at work. Lovely.
